Wholeness can only be found through the shadow. The dark places lead us to the light. Five weeks are coming to a close in this rehabilitation hospital. My heart is finding harmony since surgery on March 1 – which I will from now on celebrate as my birthday – thanks to the sensitive, wide-ranging, challenging therapy program here in Bad Ischl. Swimming, hiking, fitness training, massage, psychologists, yoga, ergometer – how many kilometers do I have behind me? I could hardly walk to nearby Cafe Zauner without being dizzy, when I got here before Easter. A few days ago, I climbed quite a steep path to Sirius Kogel to enjoy…

I have been back home now for a few days to reconnect with my family and the beauty of spring in my Pulkautal. My heart feels different, lighter, quicker … we are getting to know each other again. In addition many new challenges are emerging after my life-changing heart surgery. As a result, I often feel simply exhausted in this phase of healing. Often I can´t figure these things out or don´t have the energy to deal with them. Here I remind myself, this is the time when real growth is happening. This means, especially, when no solution seems possible right now. Like an exhausted wet baby bird breaking through…

Today is day # 27 post OP. I totally underestimated how much my heart surgery would change my life. An inherent lack of patience with my step-by-step regeneration and integration of my finely-tuned heart with all levels of my physical, emotional and spiritual self is often bewildering. Do I know myself at all? My heart is commanding me to slow down and I feel transparent like a butterfly that just slid out of its protective cocoon. Too weak to take on the journey last week back home from Innsbruck, I am lucky to stay in Munich with some of the best friends in the world. Their love and patience allow…